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Alabama Attorney General's War On Sex Toys
Posted By alapoet - Friday, April 17th, 2009 at 4:17 PM
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Have you heard the one about the Southern politician who wants to arrest women for dildo possession?

Unfortunately, it's not a joke, so there's no punchline. There's a real live attorney general in Alabama who actually wants to enforce the sex toy ban enacted by the fundamentalist-dominated state legislature a few years ago. Troy King is serious about this -- he will bust your ass for a vibrator.

Sure, there are other states, especially in the South, that have some pretty ridiculous laws on the books. In Mississippi, for instance, it's illegal -- even for married couples! -- to have oral sex. The law's still on the books, presumably because none of the good-old-boy legislators there wants to become known as the guy who legalized blow jobs.

But Troy King is cut from a different cloth. AG King, widely known as a thin skinned, vindictive (that from the Alabama District Attorneys Association!) and spiteful little man and a "hateful punk," believes that sex toys are immoral and that he should be concerned with arresting those who use them.

With all the real crime that takes place in Alabama -- including a whole passel of shady dealings in politics, corruption, and graft, much of it involving King himself -- Troy's more concerned that the wimmen folk might let their lustful urges get out of control once they learn that "men" and "orgasms" don't always have to be in the same room.

Mobile Press Register political cartoonist J.D. Crowe's take on Troy King's sex toy phobia

My friend, fellow blogger and former Alabama gubernatorial candidate Loretta Nall gets the credit for originally alerting me to the outrageous sex-phobic shenanigans of Troy King in 2007. Loretta got some coverage from Dame Magazine on her "Sex Toys For Troy King" campaign, in which Loretta encouraged everyone to send the Attorney General a sex toy of their choice -- a brilliant bit of political theater.

I want to join Loretta in encouraging everyone to send sex toys to Troy King. Here's his address:

Office of the Attorney General
Alabama State House
11 South Union Street, Third Floor
Montgomery, AL 36130

Loretta also blogged about Troy's laughable, pathetically bad posthumous duet with a non-consenting Johnny Cash, and I was galvanized into action. When some idiot who never even met Johnny Cash starts screwing with the memory of The Man In Black, it is ON, homie.

In January 2008, I obtained online a 30-second sample of the King/Cash duet, which Troy had distributed to about 25 friends and supporters as Christmas "gifts," and I slapped together a little slide show video to go with it, which I then put on YouTube.

Next thing I know, I'm being interviewed by leading Alabama newspaper The Tuscaloosa News, and as I told them, as a native Alabamian myself, I really hate when some ignorant, pea-brained yokel like King makes the state a laughingstock.

Almost immediately, the video gets 1,500 views online. And Troy made a rookie mistake: His press officer ran his mouth to the press (Rule #1: If you're a public official, you never respond to a crank). To quote the Tuscaloosa News story, "King spokesman Chris Bence said the West Coast is a good fit for Elliott. 'Outside the state is the best place for him,' Bence said."

Within a few weeks, King pulled some strings and had the video pulled from YouTube; to do so he went through his friends at the John R. Cash Trust, who spooked YouTube into pulling the video with a spurious "copyright infringement" claim. (The claim is patently ridiculous, because a 30-second clip falls well within "Fair Use" doctrine, and in any event, the Cash version of the song on which King overdubbed his god-awful vocals has never been officially released.)

So I started wondering. What's up with a guy so vindictive, so petty, so insecure that he has to have his press agent answer some crackpot 2,500 miles away when I put up a 30-second video showing him in a less than flattering light? And when he feels the need to discredit me, he thinks that he can do it based on where I choose to live?

Now, here's where the shit gets deep.

If having dildo-phobia, a thinly-disguised fear of feminine sexuality and delusions of country stardom (even to the extent of desecrating the dead) aren't enough to convince you that Troy King is a nut job and a dirt bag, there's plenty more, folks.

Cartoon by JD Crowe

Among Troy's, other, um, "accomplishments":

• The selective prosecution of former Alabama Gov. Don Siegelman -- mostly for being the most popular and successful Democrat in the state -- was aided by King's office, and Troy's fingerprints, along with those of Bush operative Karl Rove, are all over the case. "Mr. King is an ambitious man who appears ruthless and vindictive," wrote the Decatur Daily. "That makes Mr. King a dangerous man who unfortunately wields extraordinary power over people’s lives."

• King blew up when, as state chairman of John McCain's presidential campaign, he was passed over to give McCain's introduction. Rumor initially had it that Alabama Gov. Bob Riley would attend the event. King didn't want Riley stealing "his" spotlight, and undoubtedly making it sting even more for the man who would be King, a film crew was on hand -- our insecure but vain hero wanted to be filmed speaking to a large and adoring crowd (for future campaign ads?) U.S. Rep. Spencer Bachus ended up giving the introduction, while a furious King's tantrums had worn out those around him. "Would all this be a factor in King’s unusual demeanor on stage behind McCain?" asked Alabama blog Doc's Political Parlor, which added, "People on both sides of the aisle noted how King rarely smiled... while he continually scanned the crowd like he was looking for someone or something. I would not have mentioned it here except that others also particularly noticed it and said how odd it was."

• Perhaps the paranoid King was scanning the crowd for an assassin. His megalomania and paranoia are becoming legendary; King wears a flak jacket everywhere, according to widely published accounts. King's sense of self-importance is gargantuan. Said a witness to one public appearance: "First, he comes right in and parks right up front in the spot marked off for the Governor. The man always wants front row parking. He won’t walk anywhere. It’s like he’s the president. And he’s wearing his flak jacket. He acted like there was a sniper on every roof." And this was in Elba, his hometown, where he is supposed to be widely popular.

• King is known for his adversarial relationship with local district attorneys in Alabama. He goaded district attorneys around the state by sending out critical press releases naming individual DAs who took a public stance opposing him on a widely publicized death penalty murder case. According to the Mobile Press Register, 15 district attorneys around the state were targeted with customized press releases. Newspapers throughout Alabama strongly criticized King for his ham-handed hot-dogging. "When it comes to political grandstanding, Alabama Attorney General Troy King is usually right up there with the best - or worst - of them, depending on your point of view," said theFlorence Times-Daily. "Even King may have outdone himself with his latest effort, an attack on the Shelby County district attorney [Robby Owens] for his handling of a death penalty case." The Alabama District Attorneys Association questioned King's fitness for his job, noting that he has no real experience in trial law. "We think the association is right on point," the Times Daily editorialized. "His time in office has been marked by ethical and judgment lapses as well as a continual disinterest in taking the high road." It has been suggested that King’s takeover of the Gamble murder case was at least partially due to DA Owens, a fellow Republican, supporting and endorsing King’s 2006 opponent for Attorney General, Democrat John Tyson.

• King holds a grudge in the most unprofessional way. Troy was still so mad at Shelby County DA Robby Owens that, incredibly, he tried to get a judge to bar Owens' testimony in another, unrelated court hearing -- despite the fact that this time, Owens supported King's position!

• Harper's Magazine has anointed Troy "The King of Political Prosecutions." "Alabamians are waking up to the realization that their Attorney General has been playing political games with prosecution for some time," political writer Scott Horton wrote in the magazine last year. According to the article, King "played a very curious role in installing his former client, Congressman Bob Riley, as Governor in the face of mounting evidence of election fraud in Baldwin County."

• According to Mobile's Lagniappe magazine, an investigator working for King described how King pushed him for dirt on a former district attorney who was prepared to challenge King for the position of Attorney General: Asked to divulge details of those investigations, Anthony "Tony" Castaldo declined elaboration, saying that an investigator does not talk about the specifics of cases. But in October 2005, Castaldo was in Birmingham in a vehicle with King and one other staff member. Mobile County District Attorney John Tyson, Castaldo’s former boss, had recently announced his intention to challenge King for the state’s top prosecutor slot, and King was reading a newspaper story about it in the vehicle. “I can still see it,” Castaldo described, “King said, ‘Looks like Tyson’s throwing his hat in the ring now.’ Then he turned to me and said, ‘You used to work for him. You got anything we can use on him?’ I just looked at him and said, ‘I’ve worked for politicians and never spoke out of school about any of them and would afford you the same respect should the opportunity present itself.’” That wasn't the answer Troy King wanted. In the next months, Castaldo found his office lock was forced, his papers rifled and his timesheets examined. He has become a target of a Troy King vendetta, according to Harper's.

• King then initiated the perjury trial of the afore-mentioned Anthony Castaldo by forwarding "evidence" to the Jefferson County district attorney. Castaldo claims that the trial was pushed by King as political payback for refusing “to do political things” for the Attorney General, including helping attack John Tyson, King’s Democratic opponent in the 2006 general election. Castaldo was acquitted after only 45 minutes of jury deliberation. "It seems just a little odd that King would pro-actively foward a case to a district attorney so that he can charge one of his special prosecutors," noted Daily Dixie. "It’s also pretty telling that King gave the case to David Barber, who is one of only a handful of Republican district attorneys in Alabama, when the alleged perjury occurred in Bessemer which has its own DA who happens to be Democrat."

• King conducted a “year long vindictive witch hunt” in an effort to find"anything - old campaign records, finance records" to get Circuit Judge Dan King (no relation) “off the bench,” according to a sworn statement by the above mentioned Castaldo. The affidavit alleges that the prosecution of the judge was selectively based on Troy King’s disapproval of Judge King’s ruling on certain gambling machines in 2004.

• King admitted to the Birmingham News that he had asked Roy Johnson, former chancellor of the state’s two-year college system, to find a job for the mother of a friend — while King’s office was carrying out an investigation of the system and of Johnson. "It was a huge error in ethical judgment for the attorney general to seek a favor from the subject of a criminal probe," wrote "But King’s ethical lapse goes even deeper than that," wrote the Montgomery Advertiser. "He didn’t ask for just any favor; he asked Johnson to hire someone when such widespread hiring of friends and relatives by officials in the two-year college system could turn out to be a part of the investigation." King announced that he was removing himself from the investigation -- but only after only after severe public reaction and criticism from around the state -- and proceeded to ignore subsequent calls for his resignation.

• King accepted luxury box seats at Atlanta Braves games from Alabama Power, the utility which has a monopoly on most electrical power in the state. The "gift" was not reported to the Alabama Ethics Commission. Bear in mind that King is supposed to be representing the customers of Alabama Power at the Public Service Commission. King claimed it wasn't a conflict of interest, and was "no different than a campaign contribution, which politicians get all the time." Except a campaign contribution would have to have been reported. The value of the gift was in the thousands of dollars. The boxes rent for more than $2,000 a day, and the food bill for King's party came to more than $1,262, according to the Tuscaloosa News. "Someone needs to have a long, heart-to-heart talk about high ethics with Attorney General Troy King," the Newswrote. "He either fails to grasp the concept or scoffs at it. Either failing is especially critical for a man in his position." According to Daily Dixie, King reimbursed Alabama Power $436 for the food consumed by himself and his family only after the utility company "educated" the attorney general about ethics law. Power company officials explained to him that they could not pay for it since they were not physically present at the meals (isn't it nice to know that the Attorney General of Alabama is getting ethics advice from a lobbyist?). Notorious cheapskate King wouldn't spring for the other $826 in edibles consumed by the rest of his party.

• King's particular zeal for killing people has given pause to more than a few. "Attorney General Troy King can be criticized for many things. But nobody's ever called him a death penalty sissy," wrote the Birmingham News. "Indeed, King is so gung-ho about putting people to death that it's more than a little scary. His viewpoint on executions seems to be the more, the merrier." "To people like Troy King, courts are nothing but an annoyance," noted Alablawg. "All they do is protect 'the rights of criminals.' Troy King despises the Bill of Rights, because, in his mind, there are only two kinds of people: Good People and criminals... Like it or not, people lie, make mistakes and do stupid things. That includes cops, prosecutors, eyewitnesses, experts, and attorneys general. People are people even when they are state officials or crime victims. Because people are people, we limit their power to take away another person’s freedom," Alablawg continues. "Crime is serious, but so is executing someone. The balance struck between penalizing crime and protecting freedom is what Troy King derisively calls 'the rights of criminals.' No, they are not. They are your rights, and my rights." Beautifully put.

• King had his opinion on payments to indigent defense lawyersunanimously overturned by the Alabama Supreme Court. Under King's, er, "leadership," indigent public defenders were being paid an average of $4.98 an hour to defend capital murder cases, when possibly innocent people's lives were in the balance. "Attorney General Troy King maintains Alabama's capital punishment system is as good as any in the world," noted the Birmingham News. "Yet, considering its built-in flaws, King's assurances cannot be sustained with even a modest degree of confidence. Clearly, the best hope for somebody charged with a death penalty offense is a vigorous, thorough defense at the initial trial in circuit court. But the system in Alabama works hard against that obvious and basic premise."

• King forced the State of Alabama into a frivolous lawsuit against the U.S. Department of the Interior after the Department ruled in favor of a Native American tribe in an electronic bingo games case. The Department of the Interior saw through King's attempt to choose the interests of wealthy racetrack owners, who also operate the electronic bingo games, over an Indian Tribe. As with seemingly everything King does, this became personal and in a last ditch, doomed attempt to save face in a losing argument, he sued the federal government, using the tax dollars of the citizens of Alabama.

King gets his ankle bracelet removed -- photo opportunity!

• King dramatically wore an GPS tracking ankle bracelet for several days to "push" the Alabama Legislature to pass a law requiring some repeat sex offenders to wear the devices after release from prison. The law passed both houses unanimously, as expected, confirming that King's “push” was unnecessary and was actually yet another case of his callow ambition and political grandstanding.

• As a law student at the University of Alabama, King wrote nastily homophobic letters to the Crimson White, the student newspaper. King decried the tolerance exhibited towards gay students on campus: "The existence of the Gay/Lesbian alliance on this campus is an affront to the state of Alabama, its citizenry, this diversity and its students... One has but to look at the forces which the controversy has united--from the American Civil Liberties Union to the National Organization of Women to the Queer Nation just to name a few--to clearly see how corrupt a cause this truly is." When asked by current Crimson White staffers if his opinion had changed, King granted only that now he'd use "more judicioius language."

The people of Alabama deserve a better Attorney General than Troy King. Unfortunately, the next election for AG isn't until 2010.


Support Eyes On Obama!

it is always from someone who makes us look so ignorant, ie Troy King, Spencer Bachus???? Please, please don't judge me by my neighbours, LOL! There are a few rational people here but admittedly not very many.
[ Posted at 5:33 PM on 4/17/09 | Reply ]
Why oh why do these issue come up? Why does it have to be from Alabama? Troy King is one wacky guy. I belive he woke up one morning after a Sunday Sermon and decided that what the preacher was saying has to come true and he has the power to do it. HA! Craziness

Chris Estes Website Link
[ Posted at 3:18 AM on 4/18/09 | Reply ]
[-] somewhere - Guest-Dan
Wouldn't it be funny if someone found a sex tape of him, using sex toys? There must be one somewhere...
[ Posted at 4:22 PM on 4/18/09 | Reply ]
[-] Is he gay? - Guest-Mary
Isn't it usually the case that homophobic people turn out to be homosexual themselves? Sounds like he's a gay man unable to please a woman, which is why he's against sex toys--makes sense to me!
[ Posted at 8:55 PM on 4/18/09 | Reply ]
who legalized blow jobs? Man, I'd put that on my fucking tombstone.

Ash McGonigal
Legalized Blow Jobs.
You're welcome.
[ Posted at 3:46 PM on 4/23/09 | Reply ]
[-] Would condoms and KY jelly - Guest-leapinleopard
fall under this rubric? What happen to government staying out of our lives? So much for small government. I bet you anything, that King is a closeted sex freak of the first kind. I am reminded of Rex Van De Kamp from Desperate Housewives. He is a rethug voter who is into S&M and has a heart attack when he is with a dominatrix hooker. Family values at there best.
[ Posted at 3:47 PM on 4/23/09 | Reply ]
[-] Only if they are french ticklers - Guest-TheCreator
or that new KY that is all tingly. Otherwise they are simply mortal sins that will result in your everlasting torture in the flames of hell.
[ Posted at 4:03 PM on 4/23/09 | Reply ]
speak of)are any of you awake with your TV on around 4 a.m. If not you've missed the incredible sex toys infomercial. First time I saw it I thought I was on QVC. Two attractive 30ish women displaying strange (strange to me) colorful objects and chatting away like they were discussing jeans or jewelery - pointing out the fine points of each object, demonstrating them and urging you to call for the special prices which would soon be unavailable.

I was absolutely facinated that these things were being hawked on TV in such any everyday, matter of fact way.

Good lord, I'm so old I remember a city council member in Jacksonville, Fla. trying to stop TV stations from running feminine hygine commercials. If he's not dead by now I imagine he'd go stark, raving, batshit crazy over the nice ladies selling sex toys on TV.
[ Posted at 4:10 PM on 4/23/09 | Reply ]
[-] This is NOT funny. - Guest-marknspokane
This type of person, with power, is dangerous. He's working his way up to burning books and ethnic cleansing.

If you're in Alabama, you'd best be demanding his immediate resignation. This person is NOT an American. He is a traitor.
[ Posted at 4:27 PM on 4/23/09 | Reply ]
[-] A good serious article - Guest-luckylizard
that either needs to be shorter with more dirty talk, or have a different headline that will attract a more serious audience.
Of course it was the promise of sex-toy talk that attracted me to the article. Still, I wasn't altogether disappointed.
[ Posted at 4:32 PM on 4/23/09 | Reply ]
[-] I was born in Alabama... - Guest-EarleJones
...but don't tell anyone. From the time I was about 17, all I wanted was out of there. This was back in the Bull Connor days, and I see that things haven't improved substantially. How does Alabama, and the other illiterate parts of the South, continue to spread embarassment like manure over all the good people. I've lived in the San Francisco Bay area for the past 50-plus years. Thank God!
[ Posted at 4:47 PM on 4/24/09 | Reply ]
[-] hey will have to ban - Guest-monkeyman114
cucumbers, zucchini, polish sausage, ball park extra plump franks, and pepperoni because its too easy to break the law then eat the evidence.
[ Posted at 8:45 PM on 5/12/09 | Reply ]
[-] My Motorcycle - Guest-MotorcycleMan
I guess he would have to arrest me for riding my motorcycle cause i had a vibrator rear seat for my female risers pleasure. Yep! i guess you could say its a $16,000.00 sex toy. Come to think of it most every women that rides a Harley should be put in jail, if you get my drift. Wink! Wink! Nudg! Nudg! I will just bet some distant uncle used one on him when he was just a wee lad and now he is getting even...

Motorcycle Man Website Link
[ Posted at 2:03 PM on 5/14/09 | Reply ]
Yeah, I think now the sex toy industry is growing, so there will be more wars

leg avanue Website Link
[ Posted at 1:26 AM on 5/19/09 | Reply ]
Perhaps he is a bit like James Dobson
[ Posted at 12:27 PM on 5/24/09 | Reply ]
Perhaps Troy doesn't have anything else good to do. Ahhck! Didn't it occur to him that there are much more serious crimes for him to attend to?!

Dildo Sex Toys Website Link
[ Posted at 7:23 AM on 6/24/09 | Reply ]
Are you just fishing to get somebody to offer death threats? King is the appointed prophet-warrior of God!

I was there when he was selected by the burning bush. Yup, the prostitute with a burning case of crabs and herpes was screaming out "that the man officer he is the one who ..." - then King smashed her skull open with a 3 pound pieces of rebar. Apparently those old Alabama laws that say beating your wife or taken woman (prostitute) with a rod no thicker than your thumb is legal - do not specify that the rod must be wood and not iron or steel.
[ Posted at 2:15 PM on 11/28/09 | Reply ]
Heh heh - actually I am all for this law being comprehensively enforced and names being placed in public sex crimes database. Such a database would save people valuable personal time and emotional bruising.

If a woman can't even enjoy a dildo, then they may be nice as friend but they are pointless as a significant other.
[ Posted at 2:25 PM on 11/28/09 | Reply ]
This is not about loving couples toys kept under lock and key at home. The difference is the same guns locked down at home and guns carried in sweater pockets at an elementary school.

Troy is mainly concerned about dildo publicly carried by prostitutes and underaged children. In either case carrying dildos in handbags is directly related to both past crimes and intent to commit another crime in the near future. In most states a child cannot legally purchase a dildo, meaning there is adult involvement. Childhood use of dildos almost always means behavior beyond simple adolescent sexual activity -- a very high chance of abuse, depression and other broken behaviors requiring mandatory aid.

Your headline is typical misleading pro-crime crap.

Public transport of a used or unpackaged dildo is 98% crime related. Prostitutes often carry unwashed contaminated dildos as tools of the sex trade. Children publicly carrying dildos is worse than carrying alcohol.

The dildo law helps children get mental health aid and put prostitutes out of business. It avoids the temptation to juries to avoid conviction on traditional sex crime charges in order to avoid publicly acknowledging deviant sex behavior in children or free prostitutes based on personal secret sexual deviance (10-15% of population are strongly deviant).

However sex crimes are to juries either almost popular fantasy or too embarrassing to admit existence. Most adults are NOT very adult when the topic of sex is introduced to public scrutiny or law.

Thus the dildo law cuts past the issue of juries who wish to bury embarassing crimes or void laws that touch on personal perversion (child molesting is likely the most common broken sex law but one of the least convicted).
[ Posted at 3:04 PM on 11/28/09 | Reply ]
Potential for abuse of laws is no excuse for abandoning the protection of well-order society for chaos, brute force slavery, pillage and rape.

Yes the Dildo law can be abused -- rather than used as intended against prostitutes publicly carrying the tools of their trade in a handbag or for young children suffering sexual behavior issues and abuse.

But EVERY law written can be manipulated and abused by the right grouping of politicians in the justice business. That is why we have an appeals process to higher courts in other geographic regions.
[ Posted at 3:18 PM on 11/28/09 | Reply ]
[-] Vibrators - Guest-Vibrators
Is it OK to think about sex? Is it OK to read about sex? Is it OK to have sex? Just for pleasure?

Vibrators Website Link
[ Posted at 11:12 AM on 12/3/09 | Reply ]

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